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Everything here works. You should probably buy some of it.


It Works.
Order #IW-000000
Your order has been received, processed, verified,
cross-referenced, and spiritually approved.

Estimated delivery: when it works out.

The Official Emporium  ·  Est. 2025

The Store

Everything here works. That is not a marketing claim. It is simply the truth.

As seen in   Forbes  ·  Wired  ·  The Economist  ·  Popular Mechanics  ·  Nature
All Products Technology Lifestyle Enterprise
6 Products — All Working
Featured · New Arrival
USB Vine Tap
Pro Edition
Finally. A USB device that taps directly into the vine. What vine? The vine. Featuring our proprietary VineOS™ 3.1 firmware and a braided organic cotton cable sourced from a farm that also produces award-winning olive oil. Plug it in. Watch it work.
★★★★★
4,821 verified reviews
ConnectorUSB-A to Vine
Vine CompatibilityAll Known Vines
Transfer RateIt Works Fast
Cable LengthLong Enough
CertificationCE, FCC, ISO 9001, The Vine
Starting from$299.00
🔌
PLUG. VINE. DONE.
Lifestyle
💧
Organic Binary Water
Water, restructured at the binary level. Each molecule has been individually assigned a value of 0 or 1 by our team of certified data hydrologists. Zero calories. Infinite bits. Pairs exceptionally with the USB Vine Tap.
★★★★★
12,003 verified reviews
FormatLiquid (Default)
Bit Depth32-bit Float
FlavourNeutral · Premium
OrganicConfirmed
Per bottle$49.00
Enterprise
☁️
Cloud in a Box
On-premise cloud. Finally. Ships in a matte black anodised aluminium enclosure containing approximately 0.3 litres of actual cloud, captured at altitude over the North Atlantic and sealed under pressure. Your DevOps team will understand.
★★★★★
889 verified reviews
Cloud TypeCumulonimbus
Altitude Sourced6,200m ASL
Uptime99.999%
ComplianceSOC 2, GDPR, NATO
Per unit$1,299.00
Enterprise
📎
Blockchain Stapler
Every staple is recorded immutably on the ItWorks Chain™. Audit your document-binding history with complete cryptographic certainty. Comes pre-loaded with 26 staples. Each staple has its own wallet address.
★★★★★
2,441 verified reviews
Staples Included26 (Tokenised)
Consensus ModelProof of Staple
Gas FeesIncluded
Compatible PaperA4, Letter, Truth
Per unit$499.00
Lifestyle
🪨
Premium Artisan Dirt
Small batch. Single origin. Hand-sorted by geologists who trained in silence. This is not soil. This is not earth. This is dirt, in its highest expression. Arrives in a linen pouch with a certificate of terroir.
★★★★★
7,112 verified reviews
OriginNorthern Iceland
Grain ProfileComplex · Loamy
pHCorrect
ContainsDirt
Per 100g$89.00
Enterprise
🧪
Synergy Powder
Add to any meeting. Dissolves instantly in lukewarm corporate speak. Clinical trials showed a 340% increase in the use of the word "alignment." Available in Vanilla Roadmap, Q4 Push, and Pivot (unflavoured).
★★★★★
19,887 verified reviews
Active IngredientPure Synergy
ServingOne pinch per stakeholder
Side EffectsAlignment
VeganDirectionally, Yes
Per 50g tin$129.00
✦
Works Guarantee
If it doesn't work, check again.
↩
30-Day Returns
Returns accepted. It still works though.
🌍
Global Shipping
Delivered wherever working is needed.
🔒
Secure Checkout
256-bit encryption. Obviously it works.

Verified Reviews

★★★★★
I plugged the USB Vine Tap in and it worked immediately. I don't know what I expected.
T. Eriksson — Reykjavík, IS
★★★★★
The Binary Water changed my relationship with hydration at the bit level. I feel restructured.
M. Johansson — Stockholm, SE
★★★★★
We deployed Cloud in a Box across our entire infrastructure. IT said it was the best thing they'd ever opened. The box, specifically.
R. Nakamura — CTO, Fortune 500
★★★★★
I added Synergy Powder to our all-hands. By slide three, everyone was aligned. We still don't know about what.
H. Okafor — Head of People, SaaS Co.
★★★★★
The dirt arrived in a linen pouch. My geologist friend wept. I don't know why. Neither does she.
L. Magnússon — Akureyri, IS
★★★★★
Every staple is on-chain. My filing cabinet now has a market cap. My accountant has questions.
B. Andersen — Copenhagen, DK